Never Forget

You will all have heard by now that One Direction was recently downsized to four band members when Zayn Malik decided to leave. The internet went into meltdown mode as teenage (read hormonal) girls shared their upset over this turn of events #nojudgement. Quite a few people made references to Take That, saying it was like 1995 all over again when Robbie walked out, with Howard Donald even offering some words of comfort to 1D fans. If anyone can feel confident that a band splitting up doesn't necessarily mean it is all over then it's going to be a member of Take That, the boy band who turned out to be the ultimate comeback men of British pop music. 

Growing up I missed all the hype surrounding Take That as I was only four at the time they were starting out. There are vague memories of news reports announcing the split and Samaritan phone lines being set up for the fans. A few years later I was a member of the Boyzone fan club, however it was a very lonely experience as I was the only one out of my friends to like them. When they consequently split up, as all boy bands inevitably do, it was no big deal for anyone else but me which kept the weeping and wailing to a minimum. My mum never let me go to see the Boyz live which upset me enormously at the time, but I've since got over it because I see how things may have spiraled out of control à la Anita Sethi and her mild obsession with Take That.

I'm now an out and proud adult Take That fan. Better late than never right? I've even purchased tickets for their upcoming tour with a Dutch friend who was a massive TT fan as a teenager. Let me stress that I also enjoy a wide range of music you would consider more respectable, but it seems that the combination of Gary Barlow's pop beats, Mark Owen's vocals and Howard Donald's harmonies / drum-beating do it for me. There's also something comfortingly British about Take That: northern accents, tea breaks during concert tours and making time for their fans, both in person and on social media, have ensured their status as national treasures. Who could have predicted this second coming on that bleak day when the boys announced their split on 13 February 1996?

In the name of "research" for this blog post, I've watched some old interviews and documentaries of Take That on YouTube (Andi Peters and Toby Anstis were lucky guys). The one thing constantly mentioned is how hard they worked to break out in the beginning. The boys started out touring the country in a minibus, performing at gay clubs and schools. So far, so low key - until their cover of Barry Manilow's "Could it be Magic", their fourth UK single, made it to number three in the music charts and everything exploded.  To date, they have won eight Brit awards, sold forty five million records worldwide, set records for fastest selling tour tickets and managed an incredibly successful reunion with Mr. Robbie Williams. The proof is in the (Lancashire) pudding: these men are musical magic together.

As a feminist, the idea of boy bands sometimes sits a little uncomfortably with me but after discussing the subject with several female friends they just seem to be a rite of passage for most young girls. So I'm bracing myself for my future daughter's obsession with the boy band du jour, safe in the knowledge that she'll discover Bowie and Queen one day and come to love them too. I'll be there singing my heart out to TT in Amsterdam come October - see you there?

Lou

x

P.S. In case you were wondering, Mark Owen. Always and forever.

What's in a name?

The other week on Twitter I came across an article via The Local, one of my go-to sources for French news in English. A couple in the north of France had been forbidden, by a court of law, to name their daughter Nutella. Yes, the chocolate spread that you cannot keep in the house because it's always gone within seconds and puts you at risk of diabetes or obesity (or both). Another couple, also from the north of France (remind me never to move there) tried to name their daughter "Fraise" (strawberry). They were also stopped, which gives me faith in the French legal system - they're doing something right. It is great that we have moved beyond the tradition of just naming our child/ren after saints/religious figures (no pressure kids) but have we gone too far by choosing fruit or towns/cities (I'm looking at you Apple Paltrow and Brooklyn Beckham)?

I had a look at the top ten baby names for girls in both France and the UK for 2014 and it was reassuring to not see anything too controversial on the list. Emma (France) and Sophia (UK) were the number ones: I like both those names very much. My own name made the top ten in France - apparently it's retro and therefore making a comeback - yet it didn't even make the top 100 in the UK list. Growing up, I didn't really like my name because I thought it was boring: my mum's other choice was Jessica, which I wanted badly at the time due to Sweet Valley High (although in reality I was more of an Elizabeth). Now however, I really like it - I'm Lou or LouLou with my friends and Louise at work where the tone is more professional.

Recently over dinner with some of my expat friends, they voiced mild distress at hearing their name sound totally different when pronounced in French. That's something I don't have to deal with as my name works well in both French and English. It's something I think about though as the subject of children's names comes up with JB every now and again. We obviously have to find a compromise between our French and British identities: I'm not going to be happy with traditional French names such as Amaury or Raphaelle for example and JB would shut me down if I started talking about Roderick or Daisy. Whatever we settle on, JB will naturally use the French pronunciation and I, the English one. Will this mean future therapy for our child/ren, thanks to mum and dad calling them different versions of their name and talking to them in two languages? No, I'm counting on the children just taking it in their stride.

Pseudonyms are an interesting concept. Some sought anonymity (Charles Dickens/Boz) whilst others used it to hide their gender (George Eliot/Mary Anne Evans, George Sand/Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin) as a way to bypass sexism and get their writing published. Famous people have cast off their birth names whilst climbing the glittery ladder of celebrity (Helen Mirren is actually Ilyena Lydia Vasilievna Mironov and Lana del Ray is Elizabeth Woolridge Grant when she's pottering around in her pyjamas). The title of this post is part of a quote from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet "..."What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet." Juliet is basically stating that she loves Romeo for the person that he is, and not for his name (Montague) which makes him a rival to her family (Capulet) and therefore prevents them from being together.

Ultimately the baby name, and the significance behind the choice, is down to the mother and father. It's not for parents or children to decide for you (thanks for that Flora). The internet is on hand with various advice that you can take or leave as you wish. But do feel free to get involved and put your foot down if you hear me throwing out tartiflette or schokobon - both perfectly delicious food options but highly inappropriate for a child. 

Lou xx

Why I'm pro-choice

Abortion. Not a topic that often comes up at the dinner parties or social gatherings that I find myself at, understandably. I think it's an incredibly loaded subject because there's only one side to be on: you're either for it or you're against it, there is no neutral position. Personally, I'm pro-choice and I believe abortion should be legal throughout the world, because the choice belongs to the woman alone (and if she is in a relationship, her partner). It's definitely not a decision for the State or the Church to make.

Just to clarify, I fully respect those who do not believe in abortion - everyone is entitled to their opinion and I appreciate that it is a tough ethical debate (for example whilst I was reading up on abortion, I came across female foeticide a lot. Another subject for another post). However, I do not think it is right that those whose religious or political beliefs oppose abortion get to decide the law. Abortion is legal in both the country I grew up in (the UK) and the country where I currently live (France) and it is nothing but a privilege to be in that position. How would I feel if that were not the case? Suffocated. Scared. Angry about not being fully in control of my body. There still remain many women around the world who do not have the right to have a safe abortion.

These opinion pieces are about things which matter to me : I'm not trying to force my own personal opinion on anyone. Neither do I think abortion is something to be taken lightly but I respect that there are many factors involved in the individual making the right decision for them. If, one day, I were in the situation where my daughter or son came to me with this problem, I would want them to know that they could talk through their options with JB and I. That abortion was not the only option available to them because it is a huge responsibility to make that kind of decision and they would have our support whichever decision they made.

I was moved to write something about this because I followed the media coverage, earlier this year, of the Spanish government's attempt to restrict the abortion law. It worried me that Spanish women would be forced backwards, to adhere to laws their female predecessors had to abide by. No, we must keep moving forwards in these matters. I was left unimpressed by the explanation offered by Spain's PM for abandoning the reforms: “We can’t have a law that will be changed when another government comes in.” No, we can't have a law restricting a woman's right to make a decision concerning her own body.

Lou xx

Image source

Wish I Was Here

Ten years ago, I was living in London when Garden State came out and I loved everything about it, especially the soundtrack. So I’ll admit that I was slightly cautious about watching Braff’s latest film, Wish I was Here, as I was scared I had grown up more than he had. But this past weekend, JB and I watched it. Boy I was not expecting to be bowled over with so much emotion! The beginning of the movie felt slightly indulgent - too focused on Braff. However there was a killer soundtrack and lots of beautiful, atmospheric shots, which is no surprise given this is Braff who pays attention to that sort of stuff. But as the story played out it broached some pretty existentialist subjects that got me thinking.

Family played a central theme in the movie. Without giving too much away, Mandy Patinkin plays the father of Aidan Bloom (Braff) and his younger brother Noah. His wife has been dead for some years and we are provided with enough information about her to conclude that she was a happy, loving character who brought out the best in the grumpy patriarch. He is very critical of his sons, constantly reminding them of all the ways in which they did not live up to his expectations. So it is perhaps of no surprise to learn that the father and his younger son have been estranged for a while. When something really big happens, everyone is  forced  to deal with the dysfunctional family situation head on. There’s a really touching scene between Mandy Patinkin and Kate Hudson (who plays Braff’s wife) that just resonated so strongly with me (maybe a bucketload of tears were shed, I can neither confirm nor deny this).

Some of my friends have had to move far away from their parents, for professional reasons or for studies, and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for them. Others have lost their parents to illness, or had to deal with illness in the family: it’s absolutely heartbreaking to witness that. Then there are the friends who have needed to put some distance between themselves and their parents, and say they have a much better relationship because of the space. What made me feel so sad whilst watching the film was the realisation that the estrangement within my own family may never be resolved. I grew up with no father and witnessed family tensions between my mother and her siblings - it’s now been 6 years since I last saw my mum. It’s not only my story to tell, so there is a limit as to what I can share with you here, but these past few years have been spent looking for a solution to establish a healthier relationship than our previous one – but this isn't just down to me. I've had to come to peace with the fact that my mum may not want to be involved in her grandchildren's lives. I've never been able to tell her that I worry about what will happen to her when she is older and ailing, with neither of her daughters around to actively support her and to love her. This might sound rather morbid, but I understand there are reasons behind why neither of my parents could turn up for me and it's my journey to come to terms with that.

“Your friends are the family you choose” I think for a long time I misunderstood this phrase, thinking that it meant my friends were there to fill in the big black hole left by my parents. My friendships are incredibly important to me and I always feel good after spending time with my friends. I aim to cultivate friendships where both parties know support is there whenever needed, no questions asked. I now know however that friends do not replace absent parents: that is to say, there’s things I believe only our parents and extended family can offer us that, for me, differ to what we get from our friendships no matter how deep the connection is.

I think my personal family experience has shown me that when I have my own family one day, I will always choose to turn up and be there in whatever way JB or my children need me. Whether it's to celebrate a happy event or to help solve a crisis, I will be sure to never shirk my responsibility. And to really try in the meantime, as the film title reminds us, to be here or there or wherever my present is happening : )

Have a great weekend,

Lou xxxxx

Making my way up the career ladder, one step at a time

 We've just returned from a relaxing two week holiday. Sunshine, the sea, good food, books on the beach, working out, just the two of us. It was bliss. We landed back in Paris yesterday morning and later in the afternoon JB was out the door to catch another flight, this time for work. I do miss him so, but luckily I am being kept busy catching up with good friends and getting back into my work routine. This is the first time that I can remember feeling ready to come home to our life in Paris. I actually felt some anxiety creeping in at the end of the holiday...the distance between myself and Paris made me uneasy. It's a feeling I'm not used to but one that I am perfectly happy to embrace.

Leading up to our holiday I was going through such a funk at work, questioning my value within the team and the opportunity to evolve. Some of it was to do with the fact that I needed a complete break to recharge my batteries. The very day that I left on holiday I had a performance review meeting with my boss and it was a positive and enlightening moment. We discussed my progress in the past 6 months, my strengths and my weaknesses and what I can do to improve: but the underlying message was clear. I am doing a good job, I am of value to the team and I am being trusted to take on more responsibility. This clarification allowed me to take a step back and see the bigger picture in regards to my job. After all, isn't it a basic human need to hear, every now and again, that our efforts are seen and appreciated?

This may all sound like pointless waffle to you, dear readers. The truth of the matter is however that I've never thought of myself as particularly ambitious. Up until the age of 18 I believed my future lay in the world of music and performing. Lacking both career and parental guidance, I completely turned away from this world and changed my course by going to university and studying languages. Had I not met JB and moved countries upon graduating, no doubt I would have had a few career options to choose from. Instead I moved to Paris where my degree meant tiddly squat and I had to completely downgrade any career expectations. It's taken me a couple of years to get to where I am today in my career and I see now that was the path I was meant to travel because I learnt so much along the way, as corny as that may sound it is the truth. I'm content to be at a point where I can think of "my career" and feel both excited about and capable of actually having one.

So find your path people. It won't always be plain sailing. I acknowledge that I had good people around me who supported me and reminded me of my worth. Work hard, surround yourself with good colleagues from whom you can learn, remain open to opportunities and always aim to be in a position which allows for future career development. I'm rooting for you.

Lou xx